i loved living in bali this past (almost) year. (here’s my recent blog on how much i enjoyed it). it did feel homey, warm (literally and figuratively) and welcoming. i knew mother bali wanted my presence so she can be my guide in so many spiritual lessons. but, as at-home as i felt, it always felt like a distant, second or third home.
but i wanted to be an island girl.
i moved there to be an island girl.
to be surrounded by an abundance of lush greenery and ethereal magic in the air.
to submerge myself in an island culture with its own language and rituals.
but bali never felt permanent. and i was ready for that feeling of unchanged indefinence. finding a first home instead of what felt more like a distant second or third home.
and like i said (more so implied) in my bali blog, the third world country was getting to me a teeny tiny a bit of a bit. everyday i saw too many stray dogs wandering the streets, starving cats crying for food, people bathing and pooping in the rivers, and (what really broke my heart) homeless mothers with their children and babies begging for rupiah. (below are links to organizations in which you can help with these issues if it breaks your heart too).
i did my best to carry fruit or something where i felt i could help out any gleamy-eyed face as often as possible… and it took a long time for me to accept the fact that i can’t help everyone. to this day, i still dread the helpless thoughts and feelings that rose as i passed a mom and her children reaching their hands out to me when i had nothing to offer… often because i gave what i could to a couple other families moments earlier.
what also did not have the easiest time in bali was more poor belly and bowel movements. oh boy oh boy did my digestive system take a toll. not to mention the need for CLEAN water and bugless food… i was over my bali belly… aka good old travelers diarrhea, which yes, i had for most of the nine months i was in southeast asia. (see blog on how i’m healing the stomach infection i brought back with me)
my stomach and i were not nurtured properly to live in eastern society. (totally fine with that). when they say southeast asians have stronger immune systems than anyone from the western world… boy, they nailed it! immune systems of a beast!
all-in-all, as beyond beautiful, wise and powerful that side of the world is, . but… welp, it’s simply not for me on a permanent scale.
but i didn’t want to go back to la. i may not be called to live in the forests of bali full-time, but i also don’t feel called to live in a polluted city surrounded by big businesses and buildings.
so where could i possibly go to stay connected with nature, but enjoy my spoiled western treasures (eh hem, aka whole foods and a target (or similar) close by?)
i was looking into australia… i mean, the male accents do drive me WILD. but… so much visa work, and i was just not in the mood to deal with that.
then my long lost soul twin’s beautiful instagram of hawaii popped up first when i opened my instagram feed…
ding dong! hawaiiiiiii , durp. and dreams of teaching at a resort came in.
Throughout the week, allie’s instagram was the first gram to pop up… so i caved and dm’d here.
long story short, she insisted i stay with her before i make a decision to move to la… i insisted i would only stay two days maek… we went to india together… fell in love as soul twins… and now we’re moving to kauai together.
i’d love to ramble about all the universal synchronicities that led me to hawaii and allie, but that deserves its own butterfly blog.
i’m happy i didn’t move back to la (or utah).
i’m happy i didn’t move to australia.
and i’m happy to not be in bali anymore, (even though i love it so much).
dear mother bali,
thank you for your welcoming me with your ethereal island.
i’m beyond grateful for everything you taught me on that journey. thank you for your healings and helping me tap into another side of my inner goddess.
thank you for releasing me.