thanks for the colon cleanse pills, but is there a pill to rid the toxic, parasitic mind?
it’s 5:30 am: my usual wake up time
but i’ve been awake all night.
now that my wake up hour has finally approached, i might as well widen this wakeful state -- become wide, wide awake, (shout out to, coffee) -- and reflect on shifting this obsession of fixing what’s going on inside.
‘twas another night of the little gremlins in my belly (and mind) keeping me up...
yes, another long night of middle-of-the-moonlight wake-ups to expel the toxins and other goodies that my unhappy belly accumulated from the sneaky bugs of my travels.
not to mention… (chuckling right now), oh, what a wonder it is. how our inner beast may rise at the hours the beauty must sleep.
not only was i having a battle catching quality zzzs...
...or getting urgent notes from belly needing the john to be at her beck and call,
...but I was beyond frustrated and disappointed with myself. more so with myself avoiding all the signs and symptoms when i could have cured this months ago. especially for someone who is admittedly too body conscious. i thought i was over that, but nope. my body has been in a gassy, bloaty, pregnant-like state since i left india (eh hem, since mid-june). and this trouble became the night-calling cicadas of my body… and mind.
annoyed of my symptoms.
my symptoms: nausea, bloating, fatigue and sadness.
so here i type... wide awake.
but not awake.
at least, less awake than i was 2 months ago, meditating in the himalayan mountains in dharamsala, india.
ironic, isn’t it? i spend weeks learning the greatest tools of all time to shift my mindset and not judge the present moment in a negative light. i had been so diligent with this practice. diligent with enjoyment.
but now, in this moment, all i want to do is allow my monkey mind to tell me what i should do… fast? eat less? sweat it out? avoid social contact until it goes away? get new probiotics?
ugh, no. i already know all that will backfire.
so i’m simply acknowledging my experience and how i feel without trying to change it, just bring awareness to it and be patient.
and i must remind myself that i’m experiencing one of the many symptoms of having something unwelcome in my belly. the doctor called yesterday, and i have an infection.
good news and bad news.
good: my symptoms are my body’s way of naturally fighting the infection to protect, well, my life!
bad: it may take from one month to a year to completely heal. Unless i take an anti-biotic.
i want to keep the a-word away from my system as best i can.
it’s 1:00 pm
i’m proud of myself for taking a step towards healing by buying several natural remedies to cleanse my system.
below (and in the picture above) are the herbal ingredients that i’m using to help me heal and ease my system a little more rapidly.
gas & bloating tea
oil of oregano
digestion enhancement enzymes
(not pictured, but VERY important: lemons... for hot lemon water!)
i will heal soon, thanks to the magic recipe of combining these herbal remedies, along with self-love, compassion and patience.
i will remind my belly, right now, that i love it… for working it’s magic and doing what it must do to expel whatever may create more harm for me.
i will write in the the last page of my morning pages (tapping into stream of consciousness and writing whatever comes to mind for three full pages, inspired by Julia Cameron) how thankful i am for it and all its wonderful blessing… especially giving me the gift of eating yummy foods.
it’s 5:30 pm
i’m mentally in a better state than 12 hours ago, therefore i’d like to think i’m physically in a better state, too.